Sunflower Dreams
by Skylocked
Summary: The one thing Alfred could never tell Ivan. not even in his dreams.   A russame dream I had... don't judge me ok v3v


**Diclaimer: Hetalia still belongs to Himaruya... I own nothing save my weird ass brain...**

**Please catch my typos and feed them to me!**

**I'm sorry in advance for the OOCness of Alfred's voice OTL**

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><p><strong>Sunflower Dreams<strong>

I was in a car, driving through a city that seemed to be high up in the sky as I could not see the ground below me... it was like looking into a bottomless pit... I could never see the bottom... it was rather distressing so I just didn't look, and besides, I seemed to be in a state of haze, not really aware of my surroundings, not really aware of the break-neck speed at which we seemed to be driving, though of course I was aware because how else would I know we were driving at break-neck speed otherwise. Yeah it is a bit confusing but in the dream is like I'm divided in two, one who sees and hears everything from...from the outside and then the one who is experiencing the dream in the dream, one who actively participates in what is going on but isn't really aware of the awkwardness or impossibility of the situation.

So like I said, the me who was a part of the dream wasn't fully aware of what was going on until I saw on the side of the road, the side that slanted upwards, a grassy and weedy field, first it was just that, forest-green grass and weeds the like of huge pumpkin leaves and those swirling stems or whatever they are that protrude from the pumpkins as well. Then one or two tiny sunflowers began to pop through the brush, eventually more and bigger sunflowers could be seen... somehow I jumped out of the car, which if I remember correctly was some sort of convertible of an indescribable color...

So I was out of the car and now fully aware of where I was (something the me watching the dream actually didn't know but was sure I knew) and was running through the grassy field in the same direction the car had been going the whole time and which for our purpose of trying to explain dimension in a dream will say was west. So I was running as fast as I could watching the sunflowers as they caught the rays of afternoon sun through the spaces between the gray buildings that ran along the top of the hill.

I kept running and then came to a sudden stop where to the south (behind me) the path were I was standing gave way to a dark, murky and seemingly endless swamp, which due to the blossoming algae and aquatic "greenery" gave nothing away to reveal it's depth. If one looked further south, which we both did, you could see a dark forest full of tall trees that soaked up all light making it impossible to look further into this black and creepy forest. And this time instead of a bottomless pit the forest seemed to extend upward forever..

To my left there were a few gigantic sunflowers almost 2 times my size but there was no more green pasture or gray buildings, there was just darkness a darkness that threatened to engulf anyone that dared to go further in that direction.

In any case, I wasn't interested in going further west, as I had stopped and turned facing north, looking uphill, except that there was no hill anymore but just a field covered in tall grasses the color of wheat. There was no sun shining through the thick gray clouds that loomed over us just in this particular area (the sunflowers to the east side still seemed to be glowing with sunshine). The atmosphere was eerie, cold, and damp, as if walking through an invisible but thick fog, but I could sense that there was something important ahead so I kept looking, waiting for my other self to make a move.

Suddenly I saw a weird looking wheel just a few feet from us to the left. As soon as we both became aware of the wheel, it began to spin like a pinwheel. It spun uninterrupted cutting through the grass and sending golden blades of the dry grass to either side of it's spinning rim. The wheel was old looking, it really seemed just like a giant bicycle wheel, but it was just the rim, the old rusty rim spinning really fast.

Behind the rim there was a structure made of green mesh and tubes as well as wooden planks. The structure rose quite a few feet from the ground, it was taller than the sunflowers behind me, maybe about 25 or so feet tall; the wheel was about half that size. As I was looking at the structure that seemed to form a wall separating me from going further to the left, I noticed a strange house further north. It was as tall as the structure in front of me but the side facing me was completely flat and had no windows or ledges or anything like that save a small wooden door that connected the house to the platform.

My eyes traveled down from that door to the side of the structure just behind the spinning wheel and I noticed a girl sitting graciously on one of the wooden planks just a few feet above the ground. She had short platinum hair adorned with a big blue bow, her face was fair but seemed frozen in an eternal frown. She was wearing a navy blue dress with gray puffy sleeves, a gray bow on her waist and equally gray tights and black shoes. Her eyes were closed and she was blowing soap bubbles. Even with the short hair I still recognized her, it was Natalya. We tried to approach her feeling excitement well up inside, she opened her eyes and scowled at us hissing.

"What are you doing here?" She questioned in a menacing tone "You shouldn't be here!"

We stopped in our tracks and looked around nervously, Natalya was someone you did not want as your enemy.

She kept looking at us with that dangerous glint in her violet eyes until a childish, happy voice interrupted the heavy silence.

"What is it sister? Who is..." As soon as we heard that particular voice we looked up. From the small door a tall figured emerged. He was the same as I remembered: tall, broad shouldered, fair skin, round face, hair almost the color of silver, eyes a mysterious and yes, dangerous, violet hue, innocent smile always present, body wrapped in a big, protective coat and that scarf that never abandoned his neck. It was Ivan alright. Ivan had stopped atop the structure just outside the door looking down directly at us with an unreadable expression, his usual smile completely gone. I stood there as well looking up in awe. That is what I had been looking for, what I was trying to reach as soon as I became aware of the sunflowers on the hill. I had wanted to see him, to see Ivan.

An eternity seemed to pass with me looking at Ivan and Ivan looking at me, everything around me seemed to fade away... but then Ivan jumped down from his place atop the platform to where I was standing, a couple feet in front of Natalya and a couple feet away from me. He seemed distressed and nervous, like a lion in a cage. He walked closer to me, his eyes never leaving mine. From outside the dream I saw Natalya's eyes widen in surprise and Ivan loom over me like a wild animal encircling his prey slowly, but the other me was too entranced to notice the dangerous atmosphere; he just kept looking into Ivan's hypnotizing eyes. Then Ivan spoke again sounding a little troubled and confused.

"What are you doing here? Why have you come to this place little one? You are not supposed to be here" He said. panic seeping through his voice as he repeated pretty much the same thing his sister had already told me.

I heard myself speak up calmly, no trace of fear in my voice.

"I came to be your friend of course"

Ivan seemed genuinely shocked at this, he grabbed me by the shoulders and started shaking me violently

"Are you insane! You... you can't be my friend! You are not supposed to... you... you will die!" I could see he was in the verge of tears and was deeply moved by his concern.

"But I..." I continued resolutely, "I don't care about that, I came to be your friend, that's all I want"

Ivan had stopped shaking me and instead his arms wrapped around my now rather small body, he was kneeling down in front of me so his eyes could reach mine. He ran his hand through my hair a few times in a soothing way and whispered softly, his face buried in the crook of my small neck.

"Alright then... ok... you can be my friend, you can be my friend..."

I closed my eyes relaxing my body against his, breathing in his scent, it felt nice to be held like this... it felt warm and safe.

But then after I don't really know how long I felt myself being swallowed by a force, a dark void, and when I opened my eyes I was no longer by Ivan's side, I was standing in a grassy field a gray castle-like wall to my left, an endless blue sky all around.

I saw myself from the outside and I was little, maybe about 4 or 5 years old. I studied my surroundings and although I seemed to be in an open field I could see that I was actually trapped in some kind of squared room. There was a small stream of crystalline water going around this strange place but of course I couldn't tell where the stream began or ended... it was as if I actually was in an open endless field but at the same time was trapped between impenetrable walls.

The me who was in the dream did not seem to notice though, he was taken aback by the brightness of this place. The grass was a lively green and there were small yellow flowers everywhere, they looked like tiny sunflowers. The sky was a perfect shade of blue and the clouds where of a blinding white. This place was full of light yet there was no sun to be seen or warmth to be felt. I stood there wondering what this place was and why I was there, all thoughts of Ivan seemingly gone from my memory. I began to walk around feeling the soft ground under my feet, I walked and walked forward along the wall to my left but nothing was ever different, I would always be the same distance from where I had "started" always close to the stream behind me.

I stopped to look around me and that's when I noticed that I wasn't alone. There were other children here as well, many children, so many I couldn't even count yet the place seemed as spacious as ever and no one seemed to be aware of anyone else's presence. I thought this was rather odd so I tried to approach the children but could never get close enough. Then, as I looked closely I noticed the children were laying down on the grass looking up into the sky. I looked up again as well and I saw something coming towards us, piercing the sky like... like rain... yeah it looked like rain at first, but as this...rain came closer I noticed it was actually some strange creatures.

I can't really describe what they looked like but I remember they had small feathery wings and rode on things that looked like golden tridents(forks?) with green snakes wrapped around them, their small heads pointing down towards us. These beings began taking the children with them, back up into the sky. I wondered why they were taking the children still unaware that I myself was a child again. After taking many of the children the creatures left and I was once again left looking around me; there still seemed to be the same amount of children left and even more children appeared out of nowhere. Wherever there was a small sunflower, a child would appear there looking as confused and lost as I was.

I looked down at my feet at the sunflower under me; it was smiling at me. I tried to get away so I ran to the stream behind me jumping into the cool water and continued running along it trying to stay away from the field. I kept running and running and running until I felt my feet give away and I fell on my back, eyes directly on the sky. I saw that rain again... they were coming for me, I could feel it.

I kept my eyes glued to the rain while thoughts of Ivan began to appear in my mind. I remembered his smiling face, I remembered his beautiful eyes, his warmth, the safety of his arms. I wasn't supposed to remember him, I wasn't supposed to remember anything from my previous life (dream?). I knew it as soon as I felt the anger of the rain upon me, the rain creature that was coming to get me increased it's speed, the snake head of it's trident fork becoming pointy and sharp. At that moment I knew I was going to die.

I closed my eyes and held my breath waiting for the pain that would pierce my body, then I heard my voice scream agonizingly calling for Ivan. My high-pitched voice seemed to cry his name for hours slowly fading away but still ringing in my ears clear and sharp like an echo that refused to die. I felt a shadow above me and felt something soft caress my skin. I opened my eyes and there he was again; Ivan.

He was standing in front of me, towering protectively like a huge sentinel. I saw him turn his head towards me and he smiled at me with saddened eyes, then everything turned into darkness once again and I felt that swallowing sensation pull my body into the dark void once more.

When I opened my eyes I was me again, my 19 year old self, sitting on the ground surrounded by the tall golden grass being nuzzled by an enormous black bear. I grew scared all of a sudden as the bear began to lick my hand and bite it first softly then with more and more force. My body began to tremble and hot tears began to roll down my face.

"Ivan?" I called again voice weak and trembling. The tall Russian appeared behind me almost instantly. He patted the bear and as the bear made way for Ivan, he kneeled in front of me once more lifting my chin and looking me in the eye. He looked even more tired and sad. He held my pleading gaze a few seconds studying my face before he finally spoke.

"Why are you so willing to die for me?" He asked almost in an unintelligible whisper.

I attempted a smile while nuzzling my face against his gentle hand like a kitten.

"I don't know" I said "Maybe because I...

That sensation of being swallowed came again before I could finish that statement but this time I saw myself and Ivan and the golden fields and the spinning wheel, the sunflowers, the bear, the gray sky... I saw it all fade away becoming swirls of dust being blown away by a nonexistent breeze. It was rather strange but I couldn't really focus on what was happening because of the insistent beeping in the background that grew louder and louder each second and the rhythmic tic tock of a distant clock...

Then everything was dark again, the beeping sharp and clear, the clock still ticking time away. I realized my eyes were closed tight and that's why I couldn't see, but I didn't want to open my eyes just yet. Maybe because I still felt drowsy or maybe because I didn't want to wake up and realize that it all had been just another dream and I would find myself laying down on a empty bed, blankets all the way op to my head, pillows clutched in my arms and no Ivan to cuddle me and make me feel warm and safe.

I groaned and let go of my pillows feeling around the bed to find that annoying DS that served as my alarm. "Aha! I win" I exclaimed victorious in my head as my hand found the device and I pressed the power button until the piercing sound died. I couldn't do anything about the clock though, so I just stayed in bed listening to time pass by and thinking about the dream. Most of it was beginning to fade away but it didn't matter to me, not when the beautiful smiling face of that childish Russian man was still in my mind as clear and sharp as ever, looking at me as lovingly as he had done so many times before. That image made my chest tight and my eyes watery.

_"Why are you so willing to die for me?" _

That was the last thing I heard him say before I lost consciousness and it always was the last thing I heard him say whenever dreams of him plagued my sleep...

And every time I could never finish that one sentence, not when I was alive, not when I was dreaming...

_Maybe because I..._

_...love you..._

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><p><strong><em>Are you confused?<br>Good, you should be...  
>I was utterly and totally confused as well when I woke up..<em>**

**_Yep this is based on a dream I had... yes I dreamt about Ivan, yes it was a RussAme dream..._**

**_Yes it was weird as hell..._**

**_No. not everything is from the dream, the ending isn't part of the dream obviously since when I woke up...well I was myself again xD but yeah pretty much everything else is..._**

**_But yeah it was one confusing dream... I tried to keep everything as close to what I remembered as possible...  
>I think the "scene" that left the biggest impression on me was the part with the big field that felt like a prison... thus the preview of this... I actually drew the picture before I decided to write the dream down...<em>**

**_Also at the beginning I was writing "I" and "my other self" because that's how it felt in the dream but then as you noticed I switched to "us" and "we" to make it more clear that dream felt like it was two separate persons..._**

**_But yeah... I have the weirdest dreams sometimes, I know..._**


End file.
